A Little Bebe

Or is it an actual baby? Sort of just looks like a little blob, huh?

This post is far overdue, but I went from on my death bed, to the holidays, to Australia and back fighting jet lag.

{I'm sorry, this post might be a little bit TMI, but sometimes, there is just no way of avoiding that to tell the full story.}

The month before I was actually pregnant, I thought that I was FOR SURE pregnant. And even though you can't really tell you are pregnant when you are that early, I felt pregnant. Looking back, I realize that it was silly, but I was actually quite devastated. When you have never been pregnant before, you never know how long it is going to take and my emotions were just all out of whack. Because of this, the next month (October) I tried to push all of those "what ifs" out of my mind and just go with the flow. It was the same thing as the previous month. I was late again, but still not trying to get my hopes up. The next few days was quite the rollercoaster. Since I was spotting, I thought that I wasn't pregnant, but things weren't exactly happening. It was seriously back and forth for about 5 days. Finally, in a state of craziness, I went and bought a pregnancy test to take the next morning. When I went to bed that night, I was about 75% sure it was negative. I of course didn't sleep very well and by the time I woke up, I was about 99% sure I wasn't pregnant, but had told myself I was going to take the test to ease my mind. I took the test and right away noticed it turned positive instantly... but I wanted to give it a few minutes. By that time, Jordan walked over and was like, "uhhh, it's positive". Neither of us really knew what to think since neither of us were expecting it (not that Jordan wasn't supportive, he just didn't know how to handle my craziness and thought I was maybe just psyching myself up to be pregnant or something). I was obviously pregnant, but since I was spotting I wasn't sure if  I losing the baby, so I didn't want to get my hopes up again. That day, I called my mom and told her, but I'm pretty sure it was really lame because I was still not getting my hopes up and was on my way to the doctor to run some tests. I wish so badly I could turn back time and be a little more excited about it! I was so stressed through that entire week as I just waited to make sure that I STAYED pregnant. Luckily, I did stay pregnant and right after the intense stress, my good friend "morning sickness" made it's appearance.

To say I was sick is an understatement.  I was pretty much crazy sick for 24/7 two and a half months straight. No prescription worked for me and there were days when I couldn't keep a single thing down. Food was just so disgusting to me and the hardest part of eating was thinking of something to eat. So I eventually stopped thinking about it and survived on cereal for about 4 straight weeks.  There were times when I just let myself throw up so I could feel a little relief, but as time went on, that relief time got shorter and shorter and didn't last more than about 30 seconds. So then my "coping" mechanism switched to just digging my nails into my skin as hard as I could, tapping on my head or thinking of random things like someone's hair. It sounds crazy, but the distraction really did work sometimes. Usually, my days consisted of going to work (when I could bare it), coming home, getting in my pajamas and sitting miserable on the couch watching TV until I went to bed at about 9. I know that many women are sick, but I just keep wondering HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD? There were many times that I wished that I was pregnant with twins just so I could have two kids in one pregnancy :) And everyone tells me that once I am not sick anymore, I will forget how I felt when I was sick. I'm sorry, but there is NO way I am ever going to forget how horrible it was!

I started feeling better around Christmas (15 weeks) and I was actually feeling the best I have in months while we were in Australia. However, ever since I landed on US soil, I have been back to being sick! I went four complete weeks without throwing up, but sadly, that changed back. Luckily I am able to eat normal food and I have only thrown up twice since being home, but its hard to be feeling so great and then not again. I am guessing that it just has to do with jet lag and being completely exhausted, so hopefully within the next few days I will be feeling better again.

Since I was spotting at the beginning, we scheduled an ultrasound for when I was 8-9 weeks to make sure that everything was going along fine. I stopped spotting a few days after I got the positive pregnancy test, but decided to keep the appointment anyway so we could see our little one. I'm a worrier so I really just kept waiting for something to go wrong. I think seeing the babe on the ultrasound helped ease my mind.

Jordan really does deserve some sort of reward. He has been so great through everything. I haven't really lifted a finger since October so he has been great at being Mr. Wife by keeping the house clean, making himself food, waiting on me hand and food, etc. There were so many times where I was so sick, I just begged him to leave the house to get some food and eat it there or in the car. And he always went happily on his way. I have a feeling it isn't easy to live with someone who can't stand the smell of you (really, he smelled SO weird - but it's better now), cries at the drop of the hat and is good for nothing. So major props to Jordan.

Now I am 18 weeks along and our little BOY (another post) will be making his appearance sometime around June 18!