A Boy?

Much better... now he looks like an actual baby. Tell me that little profile is not the cutest thing you've ever seen. And no pictures of proof that he's a boy. Apparently he is pretty modest because I tried scanning the pictures 12 million times and they wouldn't scan!

Well, here we are at week 19. It's kind of weird that most people wouldn't even know what they are having yet, and I have known for 5 weeks! Yes, we found out REALLY early. I have this awesome friend Tawny who works for my doctor, so she brought me in for an early ultrasound to surprise our families with at Christmas.

I was pretty much not going to trust the results because at 14 weeks, it's pretty dang hard. Especially when you are having a girl. Which I was SURE I was. I had never had any dreams or feelings per se, but when I imagined our baby, she was a girl. And I had always imagined myself having a girl first. My sisters have always teased me that since I am the most prissy of us 5, I am going to be the one who ends up with all of the family of all boys, but I just knew they were wrong and that I was having a girl.

Imagine my surprise when we went to the ultrasound and there was definitely something to see! There was definitely no question that our little baby was in fact ALL BOY. I was completely shocked and confused. I thought there had to be some kind of mistake! I wouldn't say that I was disappointed, but more just thrown completely through a loop. 

Right after we were done with the ultrasound, we went up to Nordstrom Rack to do a little shopping. I went right to the little boy section with the intention of finding all of these adorable boy items. There were racks and racks of adorable little baby girl clothes... and NOTHING in the boys section.  Seriously, after scouring all of the racks, all I found was some sleepers and cheesy onesies that said 'My Mom is Hot'. I just kept thinking, "what is our child going to wear for this first six months of his life?!" I found the cutest sleepers I could (because my children will never wear those cheesy onesies), but I left feeling a little... discouraged. Don't get my wrong, I am so happy that I am having a healthy little baby boy, but I think it was all just so much at once on that day. And come on, clothes and accessories are really important, right? right?

Lucky for me, the "disappointment" didn't last long.  While in Australia, I stayed with my sis who has both a girl AND a boy, so I was able to compare them side by side.  While girls may be loads easier to dress, you know what I discovered? BOYS LOVE THEIR MAMAS! Not saying that girls don't, but they can give their mom a lot more attitude and girls tend to be "daddy's girls". My nephew Gabe is really the sweetest little boy who tells his sister constantly that she looks pretty or randomly gives hugs and kisses (and not just one, like 20 in a row). It made me a lot more excited to have a boy. Hey, if I am going to do all of this work to get the baby here, it is going to love ME! I'm kind of kidding of course.

So anyway, now we have moved onto the name game. I of course had a girl name mostly chosen, but no boy names have sparked my interest at all. Jordan is set on naming our son Jimmer (BYU's star basketball player for those of you who don't know) and I am just going to go ahead and say that is never going to happen. 

P.S. Thank you to everyone for your sweet, supportive comments on the last post. I wasn't meaning to come across as a major complainer... but sometimes when you feel like this, no matter how hard you try, that's what comes out! I think I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably not feel that great throughout the entire pregnancy. And when I say come to terms with it, that doesn't mean that I still don't have a breakdown or two or a million because I feel sick. At least I have made progress and can mostly function like a normal human being and eat normal food. Also, please don't think I am a psycho for the nail digging thing... I'm not like a cutter and I'm not even breaking skin... I seriously do it for 2 seconds just to remind myself that I don't need to throw up. It's not like I am craving dirt or something!

A Little Bebe

Or is it an actual baby? Sort of just looks like a little blob, huh?

This post is far overdue, but I went from on my death bed, to the holidays, to Australia and back fighting jet lag.

{I'm sorry, this post might be a little bit TMI, but sometimes, there is just no way of avoiding that to tell the full story.}

The month before I was actually pregnant, I thought that I was FOR SURE pregnant. And even though you can't really tell you are pregnant when you are that early, I felt pregnant. Looking back, I realize that it was silly, but I was actually quite devastated. When you have never been pregnant before, you never know how long it is going to take and my emotions were just all out of whack. Because of this, the next month (October) I tried to push all of those "what ifs" out of my mind and just go with the flow. It was the same thing as the previous month. I was late again, but still not trying to get my hopes up. The next few days was quite the rollercoaster. Since I was spotting, I thought that I wasn't pregnant, but things weren't exactly happening. It was seriously back and forth for about 5 days. Finally, in a state of craziness, I went and bought a pregnancy test to take the next morning. When I went to bed that night, I was about 75% sure it was negative. I of course didn't sleep very well and by the time I woke up, I was about 99% sure I wasn't pregnant, but had told myself I was going to take the test to ease my mind. I took the test and right away noticed it turned positive instantly... but I wanted to give it a few minutes. By that time, Jordan walked over and was like, "uhhh, it's positive". Neither of us really knew what to think since neither of us were expecting it (not that Jordan wasn't supportive, he just didn't know how to handle my craziness and thought I was maybe just psyching myself up to be pregnant or something). I was obviously pregnant, but since I was spotting I wasn't sure if  I losing the baby, so I didn't want to get my hopes up again. That day, I called my mom and told her, but I'm pretty sure it was really lame because I was still not getting my hopes up and was on my way to the doctor to run some tests. I wish so badly I could turn back time and be a little more excited about it! I was so stressed through that entire week as I just waited to make sure that I STAYED pregnant. Luckily, I did stay pregnant and right after the intense stress, my good friend "morning sickness" made it's appearance.

To say I was sick is an understatement.  I was pretty much crazy sick for 24/7 two and a half months straight. No prescription worked for me and there were days when I couldn't keep a single thing down. Food was just so disgusting to me and the hardest part of eating was thinking of something to eat. So I eventually stopped thinking about it and survived on cereal for about 4 straight weeks.  There were times when I just let myself throw up so I could feel a little relief, but as time went on, that relief time got shorter and shorter and didn't last more than about 30 seconds. So then my "coping" mechanism switched to just digging my nails into my skin as hard as I could, tapping on my head or thinking of random things like someone's hair. It sounds crazy, but the distraction really did work sometimes. Usually, my days consisted of going to work (when I could bare it), coming home, getting in my pajamas and sitting miserable on the couch watching TV until I went to bed at about 9. I know that many women are sick, but I just keep wondering HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE MORE THAN ONE CHILD? There were many times that I wished that I was pregnant with twins just so I could have two kids in one pregnancy :) And everyone tells me that once I am not sick anymore, I will forget how I felt when I was sick. I'm sorry, but there is NO way I am ever going to forget how horrible it was!

I started feeling better around Christmas (15 weeks) and I was actually feeling the best I have in months while we were in Australia. However, ever since I landed on US soil, I have been back to being sick! I went four complete weeks without throwing up, but sadly, that changed back. Luckily I am able to eat normal food and I have only thrown up twice since being home, but its hard to be feeling so great and then not again. I am guessing that it just has to do with jet lag and being completely exhausted, so hopefully within the next few days I will be feeling better again.

Since I was spotting at the beginning, we scheduled an ultrasound for when I was 8-9 weeks to make sure that everything was going along fine. I stopped spotting a few days after I got the positive pregnancy test, but decided to keep the appointment anyway so we could see our little one. I'm a worrier so I really just kept waiting for something to go wrong. I think seeing the babe on the ultrasound helped ease my mind.

Jordan really does deserve some sort of reward. He has been so great through everything. I haven't really lifted a finger since October so he has been great at being Mr. Wife by keeping the house clean, making himself food, waiting on me hand and food, etc. There were so many times where I was so sick, I just begged him to leave the house to get some food and eat it there or in the car. And he always went happily on his way. I have a feeling it isn't easy to live with someone who can't stand the smell of you (really, he smelled SO weird - but it's better now), cries at the drop of the hat and is good for nothing. So major props to Jordan.

Now I am 18 weeks along and our little BOY (another post) will be making his appearance sometime around June 18!